Mantle Of Love

~ Mantle of Love ~

As subtle as a wispy cloud

the visions come to me

breathing softly on my heart

in dreams of memory

Moments long now disappeared

float as a mystery to cheer, to

bring a smile, recall the touch

of the love we held so dear

Soft as a geranium's blossom

warm as a tender hug, may

the mantle of our long love lost

soothe my soul forever

JoMae

9/11/21

New Normal

12/9/19 note:

Dear friends, especially those who are still in your first year, today i ran across this note on how my new normal felt at that point (8/7/17).  On being comfortable with solitude, I still tend to hibernate, but in time have become far more comfortable with it. I’m thinking of all of you still in your early stages of this journey and share it with hope for continued healing, love and encouragement.

~~~~~~~~

August 7, 2017

My New Normal

Most mornings after breakfast, I settle in my chair, open my laptop and think, write etc for a few hours. I might not step outdoors for almost a week if I don’t need to run to the store. All the while feeling slightly embarrassed about it, slightly guilty, sort of a concern that others, if they were aware, would think there is something wrong with me. Wondering, what would people, my own kids, think if they knew how truly I am hibernating here. As if this is something I must explain or make excuses for if asked. As if this hibernation is abnormal. I know it will not always be this way, and yes it is abnormal - from what life was 7 months ago - before John died. But for now it is normal. It is OK.

This now is my day. My work. My purpose. My joy. I can send away that ‘shoulds’ monkey on my shoulder and embrace this abundant time of quiet I have for healing and for writing. I can drop the apologetic stance and mindset I’ve been carrying around inside of me. It feels like a sigh of relief! It is OK! This is now who I am. I will embrace this new routine and gradually modify it over time. I might even go outdoors and read in the sun for a while this afternoon! -JoMae

Something Taken...

 March 21, 2018

Hi my friends. This is a fresh observation for me, a moment of recognizing something new.

Something Taken, Something Given

I think most couples develop the give and take of compromise. Easing off a little here or there to give the other space. Like a beautiful dance or a jazz duet. Often so subtle as to hardly be noticed. It is what we chose for love. It is what it takes for two unique (sometimes opposite) personalities to get along.

In our marriage, John was the quiet one. Took his time to speak. I was the talker - apt to barge on ahead of him. Especially with friends, I tended to be conscious of this and tried to temper blurting out my opinions somewhat. (not always successfully, I'm sure) It was always there. Occasionally annoying, but usually barely noticed - until last night.

I have not been very social since John died 15 months ago. Last night I met with a few friends for the first time and found myself at ease, enjoying myself and deep into good conversation. I noticed something felt different. Only later did I realize what it was. I was not holding back.

The bad thing is I’ve lost my soul mate, the good thing, I think I’m finding my Self in a new and healthy way. It was a lovely feeling actually. To step out from the past (still holding hearts) and step into the future to find this woman dancing solo, free, eager and able to be responsible for her own self.

So while my great love and anchor has been lost, it appears that something good has also been found. Something taken, something given. I am blessed.

JoMae

Silent Grace

~ Silent Grace ~

My world is wrapped in written words these days

some that I write; some gifts from far away

each breaking into the silence of my day

with joyful noise, a hug, a quiet smile

to say what they must say to let me

think a while, in thanks pay honor

to the giver of all blessings, all

silent seeds to nurture and

mature with loving grace

my cup is overflowing

Thanks be to Godde

Amen

JoMae

12/7/19

Widowed

John & JoMae 8/29/1959

~ Widowed ~

Grief is a huge transition

the loss of all familiar patterns

in one’s life - the universe has shifted

you feel oddly out of place without your love

for half of you is missing, one shoe has fallen off

Grief is also metamorphosis

a long slow patient process while

the butterfly is forming - while seeds of

life are sprouting preparing buds to flower

watch  notice  trust - new life will form in you

Trust the seed within a tragedy

buried in unexpected change that

devastates  and lays you low - please

know this, deep sparks will quietly emerge

first unseen, their glow will one day blossom in

New Life

JoMae

11/18/19

Sharing what I’ve learned so far as I consider the next leg of this journey. Soon it will be three years since John died. I am so thankful for the blessing these quiet solitary days (at first so strange and unbearable) have become.  Somehow, since that awful day, my lifelong haphazard hobby of journaling began to pour out in a new rhythm. I find great comfort and joy in the writing. Waking each day eager to know what will come.

Then, if it feels right to me, I post with a prayer that perhaps my words will bring courage to someone. ‘Casting bread upon the waters,’ as a friend said long ago of her own work.  

So here are the words that came knocking this morning - distracting me from what I was reading, demanding to be written down.  Enjoy!

Complete Again

~ On Being Complete Again ~

After many years with a soulmate

one feels incomplete out of sync 

and disconnected being solo

until with patient healing

life feels whole again

different, yet whole

NEW

Complete in one’s self

finally  integrated  again

fitting in, new connections

new ways with new interests

a different you, different whole

A Whole New You

Yet Rooted In Old Love

JoMae

11/9/19

As new  insights continue to blossom, I like to share them along the way - to celebrate the gift and to offer hope to those still devastated today.  I couldn’t have imagined on that devastating day almost three years ago that I’d ever feel complete again.  I am so very thankful.  Enjoy!