Braiding The Remnants

 ~ Braiding The Remnants ~

I am braiding the remnants of

our almost 60 years together

the lion’s share of our days

on earth - our sweet duet

Some memories fade as age takes hold

some, stay bright as that day first told

some, thin strings, weave in and out

barely an echo hovering beyond 

refusing to be conjured up

Each day I braid another row and

wrap them round and round to

tie the rug on which I dance

anchored by the echoes of

~ Our Song ~

JoMae

7/7/21

Winter Solstice

Winter Sunset - Photo by Emelia Spoelhof

~ Winter Solstice ~

Beyond the window skies are overcast

within the heart as well. Grey hovers

over Christmas with unseen clouds

of melancholy tempering one’s joy

Between - inside the room, a smile beams

if anyone should ask - we’re doing well

- a mask worn like a decorated cast

to hold one’s self together

It’s December, for some a month of loss

yet the season of expectation to be

joyful in spite of multi-level angst

pandemic pain, new mourning

Yet when the sun’s warm glow

creeps past cloudy edges amid

 cheerful bursts of Christmas tunes

smothered joy breaks through anew!

~ Messiah Mystery ~

Trusted Light of Hope

JoMae

12/22/20

The Mantle

Grief's mantle may never be set aside 

yet I will attempt to see its beauty

and learn to wear it graciously

honoring one worn together

subsumed now into my

Mantle of Love

JoMae
9/1/17

Hello Dear Heart

Hello Dear Heart

I'm finding light in the darkness

these days - finding gain in the loss

finding my balance after losing my core

finding the blessings while trusting for more

I'll carry your gifts from the past with me now

while I move on toward the light alone

the essence of you, melded in me

as we danced our very own tune

You showed me beauty, John 

Beauty wrapped up in love.

Weaving our lives together

Shadows were transformed.

<><><><><>

We tempered each other into more than we would otherwise become. 

Who I am and will be, reflects that long lived love we shared;  

who we were, we were because of each other - a gift that  

stays with me each day - a gift I’ll always treasure.

We two, who wove one closely knitted life, now must move on alone.  

I like to think that in that joy filled realm where you now reside, 

some of our blended essence may live on, as yours does here.  

That we may each continue to bring joy wherever we are.  

If perchance you could touch human lives in some angelic way,  

wouldn’t that be wondrous! Yet the strength I have from you, 

the strength still holding me, I gained from knowing you.  

From loving you. Love that remains and steadies me.  

We both are blessed in a million ways. 

My thanks goes on a million days.  

Praise be to Godde in whose 

Hands we both move on.

Goodbye Dear Heart

JoMae

2/2/17

Dawn

A Savored Memory

One early August morning, 

the summer of John’s death, 

in that sleepy state of half awake, 

I caught a glimpse of him 

neatly dressed for the day, 

walking around the end of our bed, 

over to my side.  

The vision quickly vanished.

yet remains engraved  -

a gift that brought to mind 

an early morning moment captured

many years ago in this small poem:

 ~~ DAWN ~~

Up at dawn 

he gently tucked her with the sheet

and fixed it where the mattress corner

had come undone above her head

then slipping out

went down to put the coffee on

He did not know

that in her semi conscious morning sleep

she was aware

and felt the precious oil of his love

flow through her veins

 a secret blessing

JoMae
7/29/88

                              

Holding Hands

YOUR HANDS

Sitting in this room alone

I feel my hand in yours

As surely as if we’re on an evening walk

Strolling down the avenue together

I feel your palm

Quite coarse from woodworking

Soft fuzz on the back of your hand

Your fingers squeezing mine 

In fond recognition of 

Loving camaraderie 

I know your hand entwined in mine

Now resting on the sheet 

Swollen strange and puffed

At the end of an arm full of tubes

As you lay dying

Those young strong hands  

Now elderly and frail and still

Baseball hands. Swinging golf clubs

Draftsman’s hands, always designing

A gardener’s hands, a craftsman

I have the work of your hands all around me

In this old home you refurbished 

Your carpenter hands creating beauty

Were the hands of a dad who could fix anything

Beloved hands

I feel them on my cheek and 

Wish them in my hair and 

Everywhere

Your hands holding me

Our hands holding each other 

For almost 60 years

JoMae

8/21/17

[Re-posted:  9/15/19]

John 4/5/35-12/15/16

May Your Joy Be Complete

John Calvin Spoelhof
April 5, 1935  -  December 15, 2016

 “If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, 

just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.
 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that 

your joy may be complete.”    John 15:10-11

Dear Heart

DEAR HEART

Another candle on the years

Another wish come true

The sweetest gift I've ever known

Is the love wrapped up in you

                                               -JoMae

                                                2/15/16

On Valentine’s Day that year, he had given her a sweet valentine. She did not have one to give. They were like that. They exchanged gifts or cards sometimes, but not by expectation.  They’d always been casual about gifts. So when that perfect choice was made and given it was special. Even after almost 60 years together it was special.  

The next day was her birthday. Waking up together, cozy, warm entangled, he felt bad not to have a gift for her.  She said, ‘Hon, the sweetest gift I’ve ever known is the love wrapped up in you.’  And so a little poem was born. His gift and hers to celebrate. 

Touch of Gold

 A Touch of Gold

We're poking around the Finger Lakes today


In summer's final breeze and sunshine


Under endless skies of blue

Bright cotton clouds float lazily


Trailing their shadows along the hills

Here and there a touch of gold gleams through 


On this pre-autumn day - 


A promise of more color yet to come


Before the winter of our lives

                                                                      JoMae


                                                                           9/17/15   

  By Seneca Lake at Watkins Glen           

One and One

One and One Equals 55
and Counting
(in celebration of a long loved marriage)

The two are one
As surely as if
Once one, then split apart,
They'd been reunited -
A perfect match.

As if at first sight after separation 

They'd recognized a missing part  -

That she was a bone of his own bones

He flesh of her own flesh.

No, not the perfection of that storied pair

In their ancient Eden,

But close.

Thankfully, close.

                                                     -JoMae

                                                     8/4/15

The man said,

   “This is now bone of my bones

     and flesh of my flesh;

     she shall be called ‘woman,’

     for she was taken out of man.”

Genesis 2:23

At 80

Love On The Back Stoop At 80

Summer day

Morning calm

Coffee on the porch for two

Relishing the colors of his garden 

White daisies brilliant in a patch of sun

Crowned by golden lilies and shades of lavender

Warmed by a poem she shares

And his drawing of a patio design

Sharing plans for their day - and for their tomorrows

He's off to build her patio

She to catch the music in a gentle breeze; to write

'Til supper time

 Hearts still quickened by love first discovered in their 20s

                                                                 -JoMae  
                                                               7/20/15

Kitchen Blessings

Tea For Two

 Kitchen Blessings

The kitchen is warm, the coffee hot
as I wrap my hands around my favorite mug
and ponder many blessings.

The world beyond the window where I sit
is a harsh cold whirl of snow.
But our fear is now behind us.

Spring is in view!
The darkness is over.
We have survived the night.

Soft music and the comforting
whir of the dishwasher
remind me of normal.

Soon our days will return to routine;
Once again draw to a close with tea for two
Around this old kitchen table.

                                JoMae

                                  12/14/14

 I pecked this out on my phone while enjoying a quiet Sunday afternoon cup of coffee while John wrote Christmas cards.  His health is returning and this is probably the last Sunday we will be home together.  Our goal is to get back to church this week.  I thought of going alone this morning, but in a wonderful way, these hours together have become precious.  This new symbiotic pattern is becoming unnecessary and while that is a good thing, in a way it will be missed.  I  was not needed at home this morning.  He can manage on his own.  But I cherished the thought of one last quiet Sunday morning alone together. And stayed.

Lavender Lawn Poem:

Lavender Lawn  

The weeds are ruining our small city lawn

Which should be re-seeded one day.

But they're green!  I mean, from

My perch on the porch they look perfectly okay!

The real reason I want to keep our weeds,

The gift they bring to me,

Is the profusion of lavender spilt every Spring

When blooms begin to sing!

Each May, for a couple of weeks or so

We have an ethereal violet view.

A sight so soothing to my heart,

So treasured for memories evoked,

I always dread when it must go.

Today our lawn is lavender blue

Suspended on a field of green

With dandelion splash for accent -

A composition fit for a queen!

Our rabbit family comes to chew.

Squirrels chase each other's tails.

Birds hop around and poke and preen

While I sit up here enjoying the scene

As if I have nothing else to do.

Blessing it all is the tall lilac bush

Blushing full bloomed as she sways in the breeze

Bending and bowing her well ladened limbs

Wafting aroma of lavender green

All over my world.

I'm watching - yet seeing a photo I have

Tucked in my heart for fifty odd years -

Of the mom I once was in a soft purple dress,

Posed with my firstborn in Ellison Park

On a lawn drenched in lavender blue.

My First Mother's Day

May 1961 

-JoMae Spoelhof
 5/15/14                                                                      
                                                                               




I had purchased that simple cotton dress in my favorite color to send to John's mom for Mother's Day.  Somehow it never got sent.  One day he suggested I try it on.  It was a little snug, but I wore it anyway for our walk in the park.  I felt pretty that day and knew that I was loved - by the small boy in my arms as we sat among the violets - and the smiling young man behind the camera!

Ode to a Sunday Afternoon

 June 5, 2011 

~ ODE TO A SUNDAY AFTERNOON ~

 A little bit of heaven in the air today
wonderful sun - yet not too hot
the slightest breeze - yet still

an afternoon together in the yard
Pure Joy

a little ice cream
a little fruit

A mix of books and gardening for him
for her a time of reading with her pen at hand
to capture interrupting thoughts and pondering

Day's end bird songs express our thankfulness
as lengthened shadows grace the setting light

heighten Spring colors

And beam a sideways blessing on our day

                                                               -JoMae
                                                                6/5/11

A Perfect Little Get-Away

Glenora Inn

A Perfect Little Get-Away

Room with a view - -

Our deck faces east so we are viewing the sunset by watching the shadows creep up the hill across the lake. Such a beautiful day this has been! At 7:30pm it is still warm on our deck after a high of about 88 degrees this afternoon. We´ve been out here since our 3pm check in soaking up this amazing view. We brought along fruit, nuts, cheese and drinks and have been picnicking out here all afternoon along with the glass of champagne they sent us off with upon arrival!

We planned this well as we´ve been here before. Knowing that it would be mild and lovely on the deck til well into the evening and we´d hate to leave our view to go have dinner, we stopped for a nice lunch on the way at the Glen Motor Lodge Restaurant. They have loads of window tables - each with a magnificent view looking down onto and across the lake. On this hot late August Sunday there were oodles of boats on the sparkling water below. We packed sandwiches for supper which will soon be enjoyed right out here on the deck, as darkness settles and lights begin to glow from the farms across the way.

Last Minute Balconies - -

I´m always on the lookout for lodging with a private balcony, a forecast of sunshine and a last minute vacancy.  So when last weekend´s promise of several days of great weather coincided with our 51st anniversary, I made a call. To my delight, a favorite room was available for Sunday night. I splurged and off we went.

Our destination was the Glenora Inn at the Glenora Winery on Seneca Lake just north of Watkins Glen - about two hours away from home.  The complex features a wide panorama looking down over the vineyards, the lake below and the hills beyond.  And each room has a private balcony or deck.

Ours was a perfect little get-away. The late afternoon/early evening light was wonderful to watch as the sun went down behind us.
Later the stars were brilliant - until the moon came up and washed them out.  The whole wall to the deck is window, so we slept with the drapes open and the next morning we were up early to watch the sunrise. We woke to purple and golden hues snaking along atop the distant hills. And then the glory of the sun peeking out! A new day!

Jean had sent us off with homemade jam and scones for our Monday morning breakfast, so we had no need to leave our private panorama until checkout. In the end we felt like we´d spent about 20 hours in an evolving presentation of God´s marvelous creation!

-JoMae
8/29-30/10