Echo of Psalm 40

 Praise Echo of Psalm 40:1-3

~ Godde ~

rescued me from a pit of despair

from that grasping miry clay

set my feet on solid rock

and led me on my way

with new songs on my tongue

of thanksgiving and praise

new trust  in my heart

new joy in my days

new strength to

 wait patiently

- all gifts of

 Grace

JoMae

9/30/19

I often find words for prayer by adapting the heart of a Psalm to capture my own world. This is today’s praise - my echo of Psalm 40:1-3. Enjoy!

The Past A Foundation

The Past - A Foundation To Build On

I wish not to forget the past, rather to grow the present

to open the gifts growing today, rooted in the past 

yet nourished now and blossoming tomorrow

I wish to build on the memories, not to live in them

to return and visit as I acclimate to this new life

- find an anchor there as I push new boundaries

as I stretch my self and find fresh spaces to explore

as I make new memories - enfolding the old until

peering from new horizons, past seems to shrink

only seems to shrink into the distance

an illusion of diminishment, while

its impact remains forever

melding with gifts of generations gone before

weaving through multiple memories long forgotten

forming a strong foundation for any wonder yet to come

JoMae

9/1/19

One Last Farewell

John & JoMae
August 29, 1959

One Last Farewell

One last farewell to the life I used to know. To a life rich in fond memories of fifty seven years of being one with John. Sixty years ago today was our wedding day. And this is my small celebration of thanksgiving for that day and all the glad years of companionship we shared. 

There are many chapters in a long life. Some we choose and some we don’t. Some we can prepare for and some take us by surprise. Some are a delight and some are simply dreadful to adjust to.  Some are deep wounds that take a long long time to heal - and even then will ache from time to time. 

Widowhood is a wound like that - disorienting every ounce of one’s being. Finding our way in its foreign world can take a long time.  Yet after almost three years on my own following so many as half of a whole, I can attest that in Godde’s Grace good gifts are waiting to be unwrapped even in this chapter. 

Sometimes they hide a while, but always have just been waiting to be found. This I have learned so far - with many lessons still ahead, I’m sure.  So on this day of looking back at many joys and blessings with a grateful heart, I can share that I’ve learned to trust - one step at a time - that new gifts will continue to unfold. In that knowledge, even when the well seems empty, I can greet each morning wondering what insights and smiles the day will bring.  Thanks be to Godde.

JoMae

8/29/19

——

It’s interesting that this piece sort of asked to be written following a bright summer shadowed by a kind of melancholy woven into the many lovely days. I knew this summer would have been our 60th and somehow that haunted me a lot.  Until a week or so before the anniversay, it lifted.  I think I simply got sick of myself wallowing in what couldn’t be. Tired of the inner conversations I had about it, I just closed the chapter one day. I’d had enough of me.  And with joy began a new page.

After Waking

~ Waking ~

After being buried in my own grieving for a time

deciphering this odd terrain, learning anew

reflecting, pondering, to find a way out

slowly I’m awakening 

arriving at a place where

I can tune into another’s pain

this loss has taught me (along with

all who have listened patiently)

to be alert and know those 

hidden tears beneath the

smiles of folks I meet

JoMae

8/26/19

Our 60th

Love for a Lifetime
August 29, 1959

~ New Skin New Self ~

  (notes on my journey)

No. We didn’t reach our 60th anniversary, yet its date has transformed into a positive landmark on my journey. As the day approached, two an a half years after John’s death, it loomed like an ever enlarging spectre the closer it came. All summer I wondered how I would endure those hours. I’d survived many special days since becoming a widow, yet this one haunted disproportionally. Bringing with it a melancholy shadow floating just beneath the surface of an otherwise amazing summer.

About a week before the dreaded day however, I realized I was simply sick of dwelling on it - of letting a cloud so permeate my days. Something had to change. I decided to instead, try focusing more deliberately on others, to listen and watch for small opportunities to show interest and caring. That small shift in focus seemed to break down some barrier. By the time that monumental anniversary arrived, the shadow had faded to the extent Iwas truly able to quietly enjoy the day.

I’m finally beginning to feel whole again in a way I hadn’t been able to achieve since losing half of my identity. I feel more centered and able. Like I have come home - am finally coming to be at home with my new self. In the ups and downs of grief, I know more downs will surface. I know the joyful ups will follow too.

Our 60th now stands not only as a touch stone to commemorate the wonderful chapter of our long marriage, it also marks a turning point in my quest to discover who I am without John by my side. I’ve shed old skin and now know I am able to fit well into the still tender, still emerging new.

JoMae

9/14/19