New Normal

12/9/19 note:

Dear friends, especially those who are still in your first year, today i ran across this note on how my new normal felt at that point (8/7/17).  On being comfortable with solitude, I still tend to hibernate, but in time have become far more comfortable with it. I’m thinking of all of you still in your early stages of this journey and share it with hope for continued healing, love and encouragement.

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August 7, 2017

My New Normal

Most mornings after breakfast, I settle in my chair, open my laptop and think, write etc for a few hours. I might not step outdoors for almost a week if I don’t need to run to the store. All the while feeling slightly embarrassed about it, slightly guilty, sort of a concern that others, if they were aware, would think there is something wrong with me. Wondering, what would people, my own kids, think if they knew how truly I am hibernating here. As if this is something I must explain or make excuses for if asked. As if this hibernation is abnormal. I know it will not always be this way, and yes it is abnormal - from what life was 7 months ago - before John died. But for now it is normal. It is OK.

This now is my day. My work. My purpose. My joy. I can send away that ‘shoulds’ monkey on my shoulder and embrace this abundant time of quiet I have for healing and for writing. I can drop the apologetic stance and mindset I’ve been carrying around inside of me. It feels like a sigh of relief! It is OK! This is now who I am. I will embrace this new routine and gradually modify it over time. I might even go outdoors and read in the sun for a while this afternoon! -JoMae